This letter is to you. (You know who you are.)
I was your biggest fan. I WAS YOUR BIGGEST FAN! There was nothing that could convince me that you and I were not the best people for each other. I opened my heart to you and ALL of your baggage (good AND bad).
I didn’t judge you, criticize you, or make fun of your flaws. I accepted everything you told me and gave you the benefit of the doubt-even when I had a good feeling that it wasn’t true. I didn’t care; I just wanted to be with you. I had dreams of us conquering the world, nothing could/would hold us back when we put our minds together. We succeeded at several things together, proving that we could work as a team. We brainstormed and bounced ideas off of each other successfully. We interacted well around others and respected our differences of opinion. We shared a lot of the same interests in a wide variety of things and knew a lot about subjects others would find boring. I listened to you when you spoke. Sometimes you would like to go off on a tangent, but I enjoyed listening (learning). I also enjoyed encouraging you to pursue whatever ideas crossed your mind and I appreciated the same from you. I always looked forward to seeing you, even if I was upset at you for some reason. I used to feel so much better after speaking or seeing you. When it seemed our relationship was experiencing some sort of hiccup, it always got better. I adored you and I wanted to make sure you knew that you were appreciated for every thing (big or small) that you did for me and with me.
I used to think that there was something that I had done to sway you away from me. There were a few choices that you made that hurt me really deep, but I couldn’t close off my heart to you. I was still convinced that you were the one for me. I recognized that you were still hurting from a broken marriage. I recognized that you were hurting from not being able to spend adequate time with your children and help raise them in this raggedy world. I recognized that you were dealing with finding your own way and getting things on your terms. I wanted all of those things for you. I wanted you to be able to achieve everything you needed to achieve to be happy. I wanted more for you than it seemed like I wanted for myself, I felt that you deserved it.
I overlooked your indiscretions. I think it was the fact that I was scared of losing you (because I thought you were my perfect match). The thing that I liked most is that we were sooooo similar that it was ridiculous; however, I made choices that wouldn’t compromise the relationship I thought we were building.
You told me that you loved me one night and I wanted to believe it. It was the night you counted the days to our 1 year anniversary. You said we were at 356 days. 5 days after our 1 year anniversary you showed me yet again some actions that contradict some of the things you previously said. I don’t doubt that you cared for me, but you didn’t care about me the way that I needed you to. I needed reassurance in our relationship. I needed to know that we were working toward the same goal. Your actions showed otherwise.
I want to know why you did the things you did, but it all boils down to your personal choices. I can only say that regardless of what you do, I will still love you; but I have to love myself first. I will not hold the things that you have done to me against you or any one else. There is no need.
After saying that, I have to give thanks to GOD for what you have done to me, because HE showed me that you were not the man for me; no matter how much I didn’t want to believe it. I wish the best for you and ALL of your many endeavors. And even though I will no longer be a part of your life, I hope everything still goes your way. I will keep you and your children in my prayers. Good-bye.
